Jun. 11th, 2013

An awful lot of feminist issues strike me as having a large component that's really about being polite/kind/etc. This morning's reading included an article about some loser whose idea of attractive behaviour was to send a fully nude picture, unsolicited, to a stranger on a dating site. After he failed to understand her expressions of distaste and indignation, she told him she was going to forward the picture to the loser's mother. He wasn't happpy, and instantly went from aggressive to defensive.

At one level, I see a moron with no social skills, who doubles down on his aggression when he receives unappreciative feedback. That's a bad plan, whatever you just did. If someone says they don't appreciate your actions, then it's almost always a good idea to apologize, and stop doing whatever it was. Don't try out variants either. And that's true regardless of context, short of cases where the action is necessary (e.g. giving an unwanted pill to a pet). In the context of trying to connect with a potential date, it's even more absurd - if they don't appreciate your behaviour, you aren't going to get a date. Duh!

Yet this thread immediately verged into discussions of "rape culture" on the one hand, and questions about the statistical likelihood of the "send unsolicited nude pic" strategy resulting in success at getting laid, with a side order of expressing surprise that any woman on a dating site wouldn't expect to have creepy guys sending her dick pics. One loser thinks that a self-description asking folks to "love" her provides authorization for any and every kind of "love", including dick pics.

I'm not sure where I'm going here. This seems to be an open and shut case of "rape culture", except to the extent that no one was commiting or advocating actual rape. I cheered for the woman who contacted the creep's mother. But I'd be cheering for her even if his behaviour was a lot more unusual, and never drew defenders. And I'd be cheering for him if the story were the other way round. Creep=creep=creep.

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